Tips for today's Internet Op-ed Writer

- Think about a particular topic and how it makes YOU feel, then immediately type it out. Having a rough draft or checking of spelling & grammar is illegal.


- Researching a topic is unnecessary, since its impossible for Internet Op-ed writers to be wrong.


- Be contrarian as possible, because having an opposing opinion is more important than having an educated one.


-If someone is offended it's either because; A)they don't share your ethnicity/gender/sexual preference/location/STD and therefore aren't allowed to comment on your work  or B) they don't understand "satire".


-Use gratuitous amounts of swearing to show how edgy, original, & rebellious you are.
 

-Remember to talk about truly traumatic experiences like someone calling you stupid in a chat-room or having to wait two minutes longer then usual for your coffee.


-Title your article about one subject, then proceed to write about something completely unrelated. For example, title your article "Baseball" and then write about crayons.


-There is absolutely nothing more courageous than saying you don't like something that's currently popular.  


-Have a Twitter/Facebook page so you can "debate" your critics by hurling ad hominems & insults at them.


-If all else fails, do a top ten list.